Despite wearing skirts and other gender-non-conforming clothing, most readers of The Beskirted Man that I have heard from identify as cis men. There is a plethora of reasons why they choose to wear gender-non-conforming clothes, but most do not identify as transgender.
So, you might be wondering why and how transgender politics might play a role in what we choose to wear. You may be surprised about all the ways we can be affected. Keep in mind that this is primarily going to be focused on the US, Canada and Europe where transgender rights are a very hot topic in the current politic discourse.
Transgender Rights Are Under Attack
Transgender rights have come under attack in many countries this year. Just recently, the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom ruled that the legal definition of a woman is solely based on biological sex. Across the pond, the Trump administration is moving to ban transgender people from the military, is trying to shut down a suicide hotline set up for transgender people, is banning trans athletes from participating in sports, and is generally demonizing and dehumanizing them as they ramp up the anti-trans rhetoric. Needless to say, the current state of their rights is abysmal.
Transgender people aren’t the only ones affected either. More generally, LGBTQIA+ rights are being attacked from right-wing politicians. There have been attempts to ban drag shows, gay clubs are being raided, same-sex marriage is under attack and a number of other assaults on their rights have taken place in the last few months.
Fortunately, there are other countries that are trying to counter these issues. Canada and most of Western Europe have been actively advancing transgender and LGBTQIA+ rights rather than rolling them back despite threats from far-right parties such as the AfD in Germany, the National Rally in France and the Brothers of Italy in Italy. That is good news not only for trans people, but also for anyone who doesn’t conform to gender norms.
How This Affects Men Wearing Gender-Non-Conforming Clothes
But what does this all have to do with men wearing gender-non-conforming clothes? After all, a lot of us aren’t transgender, even if some of us have gone through the pain of gender dysphoria. It all comes down to gender conformity and perception.
In the eyes of a lot of people, there is no difference between a man and a transgender woman wearing a skirt. Just recently, the US Secretary of Defence, Pete Hegseth, said in a speech about removing trans members from the military, “No more dudes in dresses. We’re done with that shit.” He clearly sees transgender women as being the same as “dudes in dresses” and therefore, logically, “dudes in dresses” would be the same as transgender women in his eyes.
So, where does that leave men who like to be seen as men, but also enjoy wearing dresses? It puts us in a bit of a conundrum. People who share his worldview are likely to see men in dresses or skirts as being transgender even if we are otherwise presenting entirely masculine and have no intention to be seen or identify as a woman.
There is also the association with homosexuality that some people have with men wearing skirts. One of the first questions I often hear when someone asks me about it is whether or not I am gay. What bothers me about this question is that, in their mind, a man wearing a skirt is too “feminine” to be heterosexual. It’s as though a man showing his feminine side must always be homosexual while a masculine man must always be heterosexual. It just simply doesn’t reflect reality. The risk here, no matter your actual sexual orientation, is that you fall victim to the anti-queer sentiment because you dare not visibily conform to gender norms.
What are the risks?
As government-sanctioned discrimination against transgender people becomes more prominent in everyday life, it has the potential to put us at risk as well. There will be people who share Hegseth’s view and may act unpredictably towards a man in a skirt and heels, even if he is not trying to pass as a woman.
While a cis man wearing a skirt is not going to suffer the same legal consequences that transgender people have to face, he may have to deal with everyday discrimination. The automatic association with groups that are facing unprecedented discrimination in the modern era is going to trigger some people who support and participate in that discrimination. Depending on the area he is in, he could potentially face aggression in the form of verbal insults or, in the worst case scenario, physical violence.
Of course, those are extreme theoretical cases. Of all the times I’ve gone out in public in a skirt, I’ve only ever had one negative experience and at no point did I feel threatened by it. That took place in the large city of Munich, Germany though which, while considered conservative by German standards, is still quite left-leaning compared to say, rural Texas or Bournemouth, UK.
Other, less serious risks are still forms of gender discrimination that we could face. One such example could be the rolling back of progressive changes to dress codes. Over the past several years, more and more places of work with dress codes have been loosening their restrictions allowing anyone of any gender to wear anything specified in their dress code. An example of that is Germany’s train operator, Deutsche Bahn. In 2022, they changed their rules so that men can also wear uniform skirts (English translation).
If those who sanction discrimination against transgender people had their way, they would make such “genderless” changes illegal. They want to build a sturdy wall between men and women just like they want to build other nonsensical walls. Another example is their odd fear of gender-neutral restrooms. During the German general election in February, I saw a pamphlet for the German far-right party, AfD, that claimed they would “end all this gender insanity” if elected.
“A political liability”
I’ve mentioned in several of my posts and comments that I have a few transgender friends. One of them that I have known since first grade recently told me the story of how she lost her job because, in the current political climate in the US, she had become “a political liability.”
She had been with the company for just over 15 years and had worked her way up to a position on the board of directors. Customer acquisition was part of her responsibility and she was responsible for some of the company’s largest accounts.
However, the company also has several contracts from local, state and federal government agencies and about two months ago, they received a letter from the federal government saying they would cancel all contracts immediately if the company did not remove all DEI and transgender hires from leadership positions in the company. So, rather than lose the lucrative contracts, they bowed to the federal government’s demands and my friend as well as one of her African-American peers on the board were demoted.
It had nothing to do with “merit” and “performance” as the Trump administration claims to be champions of and defending with their actions. Instead, it had everything to do with who they were personally. The federal government isn’t just doing this to American companies either. They’ve even sent ultimatums to foreign companies they’ve contracted in foreign cities.
You might ask what this story has to do with men wearing skirts. It is, in fact, very related. Last October, I wore a skirt to the office for the first time. I’ve also worn heeled boots to the office many times, including on my very first day at the company. My teammates have seen me in both as well as many members of management. A couple of the latter even praised me because they thought more diversity was great for the company culture.
That has, however, changed. Last October was the last time I was in the office. That was before Trump’s election and the topic of transgenderism and gender in general became a hot political topic. I am going to be traveling to the office again at the beginning of June for a series of required, in-person meetings. This time, however, I was specifically told that, while management admires my courage, I am not allowed to wear a skirt or heels due to the potential liability my actions could have. There wasn’t any further explanation and when I pressed for more details, I failed to receive a response.
But there it was again: that word, “liability.” The current political hostility towards anything gender-non-conforming is making what we do a “liability” which seems to be true even in Germany which is comparatively liberal and supportive. I don’t identify as transgender or anything other than a man who happens to like to wear skirts and heels, but that is enough to put fear into the hearts of anyone who might have even the remotest thing to lose because of my clothing preference and the willful ignorance of those who refuse to see it for what it actually is.
What We Can Do To Fight Back
Fortunately, we aren’t entirely helpless. There are things we can do to fight back and make sure that not only our right to wear what we want is respected, but also the basic human rights of others.
The first and easiest thing we can do is to raise awareness. This can occur in many different forms from writing about it on the internet, to taking part in protests or gatherings or even something as simple as talking to friends and family members about it. Essentially, spread the word about it in any form you can come up with!
Of course, simply getting out there and wearing your gender-non-conforming clothing in public is also an excellent way to raise awareness. By doing so, you help make it more visible and that is the only way it’s ever going to become more mainstream and thus more acceptable by those who don’t think it’s appropriate. The more men who do that, the stronger we become.
Supporting transgender rights and generally the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community is another key aspect. This can come in several different forms as well. For example, you can vote for political candidates that have a track record of supporting LGBTQIA+ rights. You can also donate to organizations that fight for their rights such as the Human Rights Campaign (US), Stonewall (UK), Egale (Canada), The Trevor Project (US) or Transgender Europe (Europe and Central Asia).
By supporting transgender rights, you help to not only mitigate the risk to them but also to yourself.
Conclusion
Wearing gender-non-conforming clothing as a cis man can be a rewarding experience and it is absolutely worth fighting for. The current political situation does, however, make it a bit riskier. Despite that, I suspect most men who wear these clothes out in public won’t notice much of a difference.
The places where we would be at the highest risk are the places we probably would have tended to avoid showing up to in a skirt in the first place. I certainly wouldn’t walk down the street of a small, rural town in the Ozarks of southern Missouri and northern Arkansas in a skirt and heels as a man. I wouldn’t have before transphobia became officially sanctioned and I most definitely wouldn’t now.
If you find yourself in a similar situation to me, you also have to consider whether it is worth losing your job over. At this moment in time, I’m not going to put my job at risk. I enjoy what I do, receive a good salary, have a mortgage to pay off and a family to feed. The job market is also very volatile at the moment, especially in the automotive industry where I am currently working, largely due to a certain person’s obsession with tariffs.
That doesn’t mean we should be entirely passive though. You can vote, you can donate and, if nothing else, get out there and be seen in your free time in that floral dress with whacky, colorful tights! Break the stereotypes, challenge people’s views, show them that a real man wears what he wants even if it isn’t what others expect him to wear! It may not be their definition of a “real man,” but the point is to challenge that archaic view of gender and be the person you want to be!
As a small aside, I liked the image that AI generated for this post so much that I decided to include it here at the bottom of the post again so that the entirety of the image is visible.
My thoughts are it is regressing us back into strict rules, limits, and stereotypes when it comes to outward expression. I feel we have fallen back to strict sex based gender norms. In the late 80s, early 90s there was a slow but gradual breaking down of sex based rules on clothing expression choices and options when it came to the sex of a person. Admittedly this was more in the favor of women, but men too were gaining “feminine” attire are viable choices (leggings for instance. These were the first non traditional garments I openly wore back in the early 90s). The EARLY trans movement helped to move things forward for all, but sometime in the 2000s the movement became to be about ONLY trans idenitified individiduals. I recall the dress codes reading “students my dress in accordance with THEIR PREFERRED GENDER IDENTITY (emphasis added by me). Well my gender idenitity is male, and nothing else. I’m also straight. But I prefer a more androgynous, if Feminine style. I prefer skirts, or dresses, long hair, and makeup up. I just find “feminine” fashion and style much nicer. That dress code would more pressure me to identify as something other than male, so that I could wear what I like (this was a school dress code, but many work places had similar). As it stands now, the trans movement is more a hinderance than a benefit to the breaking down of sexist, gender expression rules, limits, and stereotypes. In my opinion based on my own experience.
There does seem to be a regression back towards stricter rules for men. I would argue that women have more freedom than ever before, but men most certainly don’t. You mentioned the 80s and 90s, but I also have to think of the 70s and all the men who were free to wear heeled boots. It was even considered fashionable then for a man to wear heels (if only a specific kind). Even if a man were to wear an actual pair of heeled boots from the 70s today, he would potentially be looked down upon.
“There have been attempts to ban drag shows, gay clubs are being raided, same-sex marriage is under attack” This is simply untrue, or missing details. The ban on drag is ONLY when minors are concerned. It has nothing to do with men crossing gender lines. THe issue was there were explicit drag shows being put on for children that involved sex scenes, bestiality and other such things, and video from the audience point of view were posted on social media. Drag Queen story hours were being used to promote LGBT related things ONLY. These were not just drag queens reading to kids as it was earlier in this project. The literature being read went from just various stories, to drag centric, LGBT related content. As far as gay clubs being raided….not as far as I know in the US. The last time that nonsense happened was long ago, so i am not certain where you go that info. NOW, clubs ARE being raided for drugs, and trafficking, but the raids have nothing to do with sexual orientation. Same sex marriage is also NOT under attack, again, not sure where you are getting that. There are morons thinking the overturn of R v W somehow opens the door to the abolition of Same sex Marriage, but there is positively no energy in doing that. I live in the US, and the only negatives I have experienced is a regression into strict gender norms on expression, and this is largely seen in the trans advocacy groups deeming any and all people male or female that vary from gender norms for their sex as being Trans. I have experienced this personally. Look up the term “Egg” to get an idea of the tactic used on Femboys for instance when it comes to pressuring them to think they are trans. Look up F1nn5ter, to see how this individual was pushed by his chat group to consider transitioning into a woman (to this day he still uses male pronouns, but has also recently adopted “they them” as well. Remember though, these are from my perspective in the United States. I am not sure what the UK, or Germany, or other places are doing. My understand is they are NOT limiting by government decree what clothing people may wear, or even what gender styles they can wear, but they are drawing hard lines of what is a man, and what is a woman. Is that bothersome? In some cases yes. But remember, even Blaire White has said she a gay biological male, and only uses feminine pronouns out of convenience (stated on an episode of the Joe Rogan Experience, as well as her own blog). Watching her video of her therapy, it is clear what had her transition was the abuse, and negative treatment by her father when it came to her (then his) hair style preferences).
Each of those points contain links in article to some of the sources of that information. There were a lot of different sources for each, so I just chose what seemed to be the most reliable source. What I mean by same sex marriage being under attack is not necessarily the result of the overturning of Roe v. Wade, but by the number of prominent Republican politicians who are attempting to overturn the Supreme Court’s ruling in the Obergefell v. Hodges case (source and source).
I have also experienced the pressure of thinking I was trans just because I like wearing clothes from the women’s department. I recently wrote about it. I’ve seen F1nn5ter before and have followed his journey a little on the sidelines as I could relate to it at the beginning. The difference in my case being that the pressure wasn’t coming from outside, but rather from the inside thinking that if I were to transition, I could more freely wear what I wanted to wear. Turns out that’s entirely wrong. I don’t need to transition to wear a skirt, I can do so proudly as a man.
They’re not mandating what you can wear by law, but the cultural shift that comes from politics creates a lot of additional pressure on people to conform to what the politicians and their followers consider to be “normal.” It won’t bother some people who are just going to continue doing what they want anyway (which is wonderful!), but it will still put some pressure on them and will shy a lot of the less confident people away from doing it publicly. Fortunately, that hasn’t been a problem here in Germany so far and I live in a very conservative area. It might become one though if politics here shift hard to the right. After the last election, we moved from center-left to center-right. I find both to be pretty comfortable since they are both close to the middle of the political spectrum even if I don’t agree with either of them on all issues.
One more thing. I am involved in several more conservative groups (acting as a dissenting voice at times), and once they understand my stance, that I am male with a feminine expression, most are actually very open to the idea. They are just uncomfortable with a man claiming womanhood, doing no effort to appear like a woman, and going into women’s facilities. They are also not a fan of men in sports. As to trans in the military. I am in no way happy to hear Hegseth state that line about men in dresses. Not only is that transphobic, or homophobic, it is sexist as hell.
I’ve also found that most people are open to the idea of a man with a more “feminine” style once you start talking to them about it. I think a lot of it is the fear of the unknown and once they hear the reasons and your intentions (i.e. just because you like it!), then they are more comfortable with it.
It is extremely sexist! In my opinion, if anyone is willing to serve in the military, there shouldn’t be anything stopping them if they can contribute in a meaningful way.
Well, yes. There is a widespread backlash against liberalization throughout Western society. It’s a wave, and like all waves it will crash on the shore and recede again (but there’s potential and power to do damage in the meantime). I’m old enough to remember Eisenhower as president, and the conformist social standards of that time, followed by the freeing trends of the 1960’s, their institutionalization and commercializing in the 1970’s & 80’s, a slight retrograde in the 90’s (partly due to economic conditions?), followed by a panicked reaction to risk in the 2000’s that energized a right-wing revanchism (at least, here in the States). The push for more fully achieving our ideals, after some overseas failures and internal police problems led, at first to further opening, but we are now in the 2020’s feeling the backlash to that. This, too, shall pass. But it’s certainly no fun now.
Thanks, Alex for your continued activism here and elsewhere. Just because the zeitgeist is soured, we need not be. Those places you noted would not have wore a skirt even before the winds changed are palces I Would never have GONE at all then (or now).
You make an excellent point about it being a wave. It still has the potential to make it more difficult for the interim, however. I just hope things chance soon for the better!
You’re absolutely welcome! I’m happy to keep it up because I feel like it’s especially important right now.
Thanks, Alex, for this open-minded article stressing important points.
I am sorry to hear that your employer puts new restrictions on your clothing. I hope that will be a wave passing on, and that you can bear with it in the meantime.
Fortunately my employer does not have any problems with me wearing dresses and high-heeled shoes at the office. And though I also sense this backlash of trans rights in public opinions, I personally have never had any reason to feel unsafe in public wearing gender-non-conforming clothing. Negative encounters are rare. I recently met a group of men passing by me in a public place in the centre of Aachen, Germany, and one of them made a grimace towards me. But they walked on without actually threatening me, and things like this only happen once in a long while. Much more often I get compliments on my clothing from friends and even from strangers (mostly from women).
When I saw the AI image of this post (depicting the House of Commons in London, I suppose?), I remembered that – though never having been in there – I have been on the visitors’ balcony of the neighbouring House of Lords once, together with two of my children, when doing sight-seeing in London. And I have been wearing a dress there, even a quite feminine-style flowery one, the same as shown in the London Eye in my Instagram story highlight. And I felt very welcome there in the House of Lords with my dress, both from personnel and from other visitors (the Lords themselves wouldn’t have noticed me at all on the balcony, I suppose).
Yes, that AI-generated image is quite a caricature and would never have corresponded to reality (in the House of Commons?) for a very long time – possibly not since the 1960s when I was growing up. But I get the intended picture.
Oh, just one question to Alex S: you often bracket a skirt and heels together, which combo you seem to favour; do you think it makes a difference if you wear the former but not the latter? For me it’s always been about the skirt and, occasionally, an unobstrusive non-white slip, but never heels as I have no use for them; in fact, all my usual footwear is hiking shoes and boots, not even any dress shoes. Does dispensing with heels create a more masculine image, do you think?
Strangely enough, when I wrote the prompt to generate the image, I didn’t say anything about the House of Commons or even the British parliament at all. I simply asked it to generate an image of a man in a skirt and heels giving a speech in front of a parliament full of grumpy old white men. I chose grumpy old white men to make a symbolic point about how they are the ones who are currently trying to do away with any diversity initiatives as well as to symbolize the fact that they are trying to go back in time. I found it interesting that the AI also decided to add a Victorian flair to it despite me not specifying that detail.
I do bracket a skirt and heels together quite frequently. That is mostly because that’s my personal favorite combination, but I tend to also wear flat, masculine shoes out in public. It’s rare I wear heels because, while I obviously enjoy wearing them, they are incredibly impractical. I do think that dispensing with heels creates a more masculine image. Heels give your legs a nice curve and change your posture in a way that has become highly associated with feminine sensuality, which means that, by wearing heels, you force your body into more of that shape and thus more of a “feminine” image. By wearing flat, masculine shoes, your body retains its natural, male posture. Plus, men’s shoes are often clunkier which means they give off a very different aesthetic than women’s finer shoes.
You’re most certainly welcome!
I suspect it wouldn’t be as big of a deal if I went into the office more regularly rather than just once or twice a year. Then they would be used to me, what I wear and would see that it really isn’t a big deal at all. I also think my company is a little skittish at the moment because the project I am working on is for one of the largest German auto companies and they are afraid to lose any contracts since the car manufacturers are having to cut budgets due to the current tariff situation. They would just rather not risk even the smallest detail giving them cause to cut contracts.
I have also no reason to fear wearing skirts in public. My interactions with people about the subject have been overwhelmingly positive.
London, like Berlin, is a city that is generally very open to a lot of “deviant” behavior like men wearing dresses. You can see that on the streets with lots of people wearing a vast assortment of different types and styles of clothing. So, it doesn’t surprise me that it wasn’t a problem for you to visit the House of Lords in a dress. They’ve probably seen much stranger!
I think we’re collateral damage. Some are too shortsighted to see the difference. Or they don’t want to see the difference.
Exactly! We are definitely collateral damage which is exactly the point I was trying to get across. 🙂
I can’t speak for what’s happening in US or Western Europe, but I find it awful that it’s so difficult in modern times to have a party that supports both economical and social freedom. We usually end up with “less taxes, less self-expression” or “more taxes more self-expression”.
I also think that modern societies are really consisting of people who care about themselves first, not some ‘honour’ (whatever that means), your land and history of it, so if the stuff gets banned or discriminated, I still believe there will be quite big resistance.
Given that I also work as programmer, I’m really glad I don’t have onsite meetings now and happily no one is forcing me to dress in specific way. In case of situation like you have, I would probably fight more about the right to dress, or just let management find someone else to do such trip.
What should change from our perspective, cis-men who simply enjoy wearing skirts, is general acceptance of guys wearing skirts, who don’t get the “cracking egg” thing. If you change gender only because you want to dress in specific way, then it’s a double loss for the movement of us all, as such cases confirm general common idea of skirts being just for women.