The term “crossdressing” refers to people of a specific gender who wear clothes that are considered by most of a culture to belong to another gender. But should wearing them really be considered crossdressing in our modern society where discussions of gender and the breaking of gender norms are more prevalent than ever? Isn’t it time we redefine what “crossdressing” really means?
Let’s start with the current definition of crossdressing from Wikipedia:
Cross-dressing is the act of wearing clothes traditionally or stereotypically associated with a different gender. From as early as pre-modern history, cross-dressing has been practiced in order to disguise, comfort, entertain, and express oneself.
Socialization establishes social norms among the people of a particular society. With regard to the social aspects of clothing, such standards may reflect guidelines relating to the style, color, or type of clothing that individuals are expected to wear. Such expectations may be delineated according to gender roles. Cross-dressing involves dressing contrary to the prevailing standards (or in some cases, laws) for a person of their gender in their own society.
The term “cross-dressing” refers to an action or a behavior, without attributing or implying any specific causes or motives for that behavior. Cross-dressing is not synonymous with being transgender.
Wikipedia
According to this definition, a man wearing a skirt, dress or heels is crossdressing. In fact, a woman putting on a checkered, button-up shirt would also technically be considered crossdressing even if it is much more acceptable than a man in a dress. Both of those examples are, in my opinion, quite unfortunate. We don’t need to label those.
Instead, I think we need to redefine what crossdressing means. My suggestion would be to use the term only to describe a man who is dressing himself up to temporarily pass as a woman or, of course, a woman trying to temporarily pass as a man.
Social media is full of photos and videos of people who do this as a hobby but don’t necessarily feel like they are transgender. Men who do this typically take on another, female persona with a new name and essentially, a new identity. That is in contrast to men who just wear skirts because they like them, but still want to be themselves.
I have absolutely no problem with men who want to become their female alter ego and pass as a woman. Some of them do a spectacular job of it, too, and I have to admire that. However, since the intention is entirely different than that of a man who just puts on a skirt in summer because it’s cooler or he wears tights because he thinks they make his legs look great, I think we need to separate the terminology.
In fact, I would argue we don’t need any special word for it. Why can’t a man just be a man who likes wearing a skirt without any sort of label? In the end, they are just clothes, and the man wearing them is just the man wearing them. You don’t need to call it anything special.
What do you think about redefining what it means to crossdress? Do men who like to wear skirts or other clothes found in the women’s department really need a specific label? Let me know in the comments!
Crossdressing should be synonymous with disguise, as in “she crossdressed to get into the Men Only club,” or “he disguised himself as a woman by crossdressing to escape the Samurai guard posted at the gate.”
I think the Spartans were right. Freedom of movement in all directions while staying cool is the only way to go.
I fully agree!
Well pointed out and summarized, I fully agree.
Personally I think clothes have no gender, and I wouldn’t call myself a crossdresser. That’s because I wear what I wear because I like it, not because it is found in the women’s department.
Others do call themselves crossdressers. Some of them, as you write, do this to pass as women (or the women as men). And often one can see the difference by their completely female style.
However, I would also call a man a crossdresser who wears women’s clothes BECAUSE they are considered female clothes. So the main point for me in this distinction is the motivation (in contrast to what Wikipedia says): When a man wears female clothing because it is considered (by him and others) as female/feminine, then he probably qualified as a crossdresser. When a man wears the same clothes simply because he likes their style, independent of any gender association, then the label crossdresser would be inadequate. (And the same the other way round with women wearing masculine clothing.)
Thank you! I agree that clothes don’t have gender. They don’t care who is wearing them. What people are allowed to wear by society is nothing more than a social construct.
Intention is everything in my opinion. It makes the difference entirely.
I too feel clothing has no gender, and if there were manufacturers that made gowns or dresses in the styles I like but for men, I would likely switch my wardrobe to that brand if affordable. Same goes for tights, heels, and skirts. But honestly the gendering of clothing is asinine and truly needs to end, along with sex based dress codes.
Very very very well put!!!
Thank you for sharing this, that put in words sentiments that I always struggle to organize.
For the longest time I considered myself a crossdresser due to my fashion choices, based on the information I had about the practice. I even chose a feminine name that I like to try better fit in (I still like to use that nickname sometimes, I confess – but it is really only a word). I never felt really a part of the “community”, mostly due to a lack of interest in “passing” and/or “being” female.
Interestingly, while chatting with a group of crossdressers a few months ago, I was told that I “still have a lot to learn” and have “a long way to go” to be considered a crossdresser. Needless to say that they were quite surprised when I explained that I actually have already ARRIVED where I want to be, and have no interest in “being more feminine” or tricking people to believe I am of the opposite gender.
It is quite interesting to me that a group that should support and cherish diversity in the end really just have different paramenters to create divide.
The mantra “clothes have no gender” is so true… And I hope to live by it everyday, using the clothes that make me feel good without having to force myself to fit within the constraints of a specific group… It defeats the principles of freedom and individuality.
Again, thank you for sharing this, Alex, and shedding light on what true freedom looks like.
I had a maybe month long stint in the crossdressing circles, and it left me with a negative view of that community. It was so false, and phony. I liked my gothic aesthetic, and name. I did not wear overly large breast forms as that is not what i was really about, and only wore them due to the setting. All of these men were hiding from their wives, or girlfriends, were very secretive, and all I saw were a group of men that perpetuated sexist norms. at my last few meetings I went goth glam MINUS the forms, and I never adopted a false persona. They kept encouraging me to wear forms, and larger ones…and i had just had it. This was not what i am about. I am about breaking down sexist gender norms when it comes to presentation, NOT support them. I left and really never looked back.
Thank you! And thanks for sharing your experiences with the crossdressing community. There is definitely a distinction between what their intentions are and what our intentions are and I think that’s key.
Should a man wearing “feminine” styles be considered to be cross dressing? No more than a woman wearing pants of any design, little to no makeup, and a short hairstyle, among other things. “Crossdressing should only apply when breast forms, hip padding, and or a feminine persona are employed in an attempt to “pass” as a woman.
The term “crossdressing” is over used for the wrong people. I get tarred with that term, despite the fact I do not attempt to “pass” as a woman, never use feminine pronouns, my pseudonym (pythos) is “masculine” coded (os, in greek is masculine, or so I have been told). It has long been time for the double standards when it comes to attire and style, and YES use of makeup, to go away. Cross dressing should only apply to persons of one sex not only wearing clothing and styles of the opposite sex, but also employing a different persona based on stereotypes of the oppposite sex, along with changing the shape of their bodies through the employment of Forms and Padding.
I fully agree! You added more detail to the point I was trying to get across. Thank you for doing that!
This post reminds me of a conversation I had last Summer. I Was just coming to the end of a long walk along a nearby rail-trail, wearing a denim mini, Hawaiian shirt (with chest pocket, and tucked in), and my favorite hiking sandals. As I crossed the parking lot toward my car, I was approached by a woman (maybe in her 40’s?) who asked if she could speak with me. I, of course, agreed and she said she noticed my skirt and asked about it. Was I gay, cross-dressing, transgender, etc.? No, I just like the way it looks and feels. The conversation rolled on, touching on my work, wife, family, etc., and I think it was quite educational and inspirational for her. It closed with her noting I have a lucky wife! So, yeah, I don’t look like a woman (or even particularly feminine) when I wear skirts; so I never considered it to be “cross-dressing” at all, just freestyling.
Sounds like quite the interesting conversation! I’m glad she was so open and interested in it!
100% Alex. I fully agree. Skirts are a part of my wardrobe along with trousers, t-shirts, golf shirts, kilts, ties, jerseys and jackets. I wear whatever I feel like wearing that day. My challenge is walking out of my front door with a skirts. Kilts? No problem. Skirts? Ridicule.
That is really the ridiculous part of being seen wearing a skirt as a man. A kilt is fine but a skirt is somehow not ok even though it’s the same thing in a slightly different shape.
Gosh! Your post has given me pause to thought. So, I had another look at how far we are from considered as crossdressing. So, I searched Pinterest and some other platforms and found some material that seems to highlight just how fine the line is between merely wearing a skirt and crossdressing is. For example, there were people wearing skirts, heels and tights. OK. So far so good in my opinion. Opinion is key in this. And then one man who wears skirts and dresses, paints his nails, wears tights and heels. Another did all of that and used lipstick and makeup. But he was still clearly a man. But merely shaving off his beard, putting on a wig and forms, he could easily pass as a woman. My point is there aren’t many steps between wearing a skirt, tights/pantihose and heels then going the few easy steps further to try pass as a woman…and so be a crossdresser.
I must say though, that some men trying to pass as a woman just isn’t a good idea. I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but an objective look in a mirror should be a good guide.
Me? I like wearing a skirt, kilt and tights when it’s cold. I may have a curiosity of what it would be to try more. But I’m a retired (amateur) rugby player and not exactly a dainty person. I know I’d look like a complete fool if I tried more. So, my curiosity remains a curiosity and doesn’t play on mind or have any psychological confusion. It’s like I wished I was smaller to try going further. But I’m not. And I’ve enjoyed my life as a man so far and with my limited time on this planet, crying about it just isn’t worth it. So, skirts, kilts and tights still fits and suits me both physically mentally. I’m off to ride my new motorcycle now. Have a great day.
It’s really all about intention in my opinion. If you are a man who temporarily wants to present and pass as a woman, then I would consider you a crossdresser. However, if your intention is to still be recognized as a man (even if you have makeup, a skirt and heels on), then you are not a crossdresser.
I think my phone was watching what was typing. Came across this this morning.
https://www.realmenrealstyle.com/can-men-wear-womens-clothing/
Thank you for the link! I’ll take a look at it and maybe add an “In the Media” post with it.
I checked out the vid. It looked encouraging enough with the pic of a man wearing a burnt-orange coloured (?) skirt on the title page but then completely disappointed me in considering stuff like makeup, nails, scarves, heels, purses
…but no mention of skirts or dresses.
Still a step too far, maybe? Try coming back in 2030!
Yeah, I can’t say I agree with some of the points made. The image did look promising, but I was disappointed it didn’t mention skirts or anything like that.
“I think we need to redefine what crossdressing means”
Do we?
Women can wear jeans and a flannel and combat boots and are technically “cross dressing” but society doesn’t call them out for it. So they dress as women wearing jeans/flannels/combat boots.
Men can wear a dress and tights with high heels and are technically “cross dressing” but society calls them out. So they dress in jeans/flannels/boots except behind closed doors.
The only difference is what society calls it.
“Crossdressing” men will wear a wig, make up and pads for breasts and this is proof they are changing their appearance. Women wear wigs, use make up and have padding (sometimes surgically placed beneath the skin) to enhance breasts and IS proof they are changing their appearance.
The only difference is the sex of the person.
Society “allows” women to dress any way they like and wear wigs with hair traditionally associated with women, make up and augment their breasts.
It’s time to abolish the term “crossdressing” because it’s sexist.
NOTE: Women experience far greater sexism than men do. I’m not arguing this at all. Use of the term “crossdressing” is just a small example of societies sexism towards men. And unlike the arguments that seemed to occur constantly at a different men wearing skirts forum, I do not believe women get together at a super secret women only conference to vote on suppressing men’s ability to wear clothing traditionally associated with women. I think it’s a passive reaction from society where Hollywood tropes of masculinity create a generalized impression the society of lemmings follow.