Wearing skirts as a man can be incredibly liberating. The extra freedom of movement you have (at least if you’re not wearing a pencil skirt), the cool breeze on a hot day, the wide range of patterns, cuts and styles: it all translates to more freedom and choice.
But have you ever felt trapped while wearing a skirt? It is a feeling that I have unfortunately had several times throughout my skirt-and-heel-wearing journey. Since Western society is not used to men wearing these types of clothing, it means that I often feel like I am trapped inside the house if I am wearing such a garment.
If I want to go out, then I have to build up my courage and my strength to do so. It is a massive effort on my part to mentally fortify myself to face the outside world and other people’s expectations of me despite knowing that I shouldn’t pay any attention to them. When I do muster the strength to do so, it is incredibly liberating and exhilarating and I am extremely glad to have done it afterwards.
However, I am not always able to muster that strength. If I feel like wearing a skirt or heels, but am tired or having a stressful day, then sometimes I simply feel trapped at home. I feel like I can’t go outside or even open the door if the doorbell rings. I can’t go anywhere or do anything outside of the house as though I am putting myself under house arrest.
As much as I love wearing gender non-conforming clothing, that is really a problem I have with it. It certainly isn’t the skirt’s or the heeled boot’s fault, it’s society’s inability to accept men, or anyone really, wearing unusual clothing. Even the “rebellious” goths and the punks have a certain look that is expected of them.
The result is that I often wear gender-conforming clothes at home when I am tired or stressed even though I would prefer to wear a skirt. It bothers me immensely, but it costs strength to defy society’s expectations of you, even if you’re only doing it in your own head at home.
Have you ever felt trapped in a skirt, dress or high heels? What are your experiences with it?
I only felt trapped when I first started wearing skirts. I would only wear them in my apartment and walk to the mail box after dark. I would also go for walks with my girlfriend, again only after dark. Then one day one on my neighbors saw me in a skirt and she said “look at you rocking a kilt”. I explained that it was actually a skirt and not a kilt, she said that it looked great anyway. That was a huge step and a confidences builder. Since then I wear my skirts all the time. The other day I wore a pair of pants, it felt kind of weird, and I had a friend take a picture of me and said “wow you actually do have pants”. They are not men’s or woman’s clothes they are just clothes. Wear what you want and be yourself.
I love hearing other people’s stories about how they became more confident about wearing skirts in public. They are generally very similar though in one aspect: the man wearing it is nervous or doesn’t want to be seen, but is then seen and given a compliment which then boosts his confidence to do it more openly. That is exactly how it happened to me as well which just goes to show that it is possible for anyone to overcome that hurdle and start wearing skirts confidently and openly.
Nope. I definitely do not feel trapped. I like my skirts and I wear them anyplace and everyplace. OK, I haven’t tried going to a biker bar or some GOP candidate rally, but I wouldn’t do either in in any outfit. In the real world of daily outing, including yesterday’s big French car gathering and picnic with friends and others. While I have been engaged in some interesting conversations instigated by interest in my skirt, all have been positive and inquisitive. Most have said, like you Alex, that they wish they felt as comfortable as I do. Yesterday (hot and humid), one friend (a very conventional lawyer) admitted that it made a lot of sense to him on such a day. I daresay the stigma is mostly in our minds. Do it. Own it. Enjoy it.
I’m very happy to hear that you don’t feel trapped and that you are so confident about going out! I do frequently muster enough courage to go out in a skirt, but there are some days, particularly when I’m very tired or stressed, that I chicken out unfortunately. The more I do it, the better it gets though. A year ago, I would never have gone out and now I do so regularly, even if there are still days that it costs me a lot of energy to get over that initial hurdle.
People have also spoken to me about wearing skirts when I have one on in public and I’ve found that I actually really enjoy talking to people about it. It’s something I’m passionate about and I, like you said, all have been positive and inquisitive. Most people are genuinely curious about it.
If I’m planning on going to a biker bar or a metal concert (I generally don’t go to biker bars, but I do enjoy metal concerts), then I tend to wear a black utility kilt that fits the look I’m going for while also being “acceptable” by the rougher crowds.
I don’t have enough confidence to wear skirts in public. I just enjoy dressing up in skirts in the privacy of my own home. I actually like the restricted feeling of a pencil skirt, which for me is linked to bandage, as is the wearing of a tight necktie.
I had the same problem for a very long time and it still costs me energy to get over the initial hurdle of leaving the house. I was finally able to make the jump with my wife’s encouragement, but I don’t know if I would have without her.
I also really enjoy the restrictiveness of a pencil. Not because of bondage, but because it constantly reminds me of what I’m wearing and what it means to me.
I rarely felt “trapped” in a skirt, but post covid lock downs, it has been more trying to go out decked out in my styles…but I still get out there. The only way for things to change is for us men, as men to get out and about in our skirts, or gender non conforming styles.
Yeah, covid really did make things a little more difficult. I know I just got used to being at home so much that it was somewhat difficult for me to adjust going back out into public at all, much less in a skirt.
You are absolutely right though about men just needing to get out there and be seen. The more they are seen in skirts or other gender non-conforming clothes, the more it will become normalized.
Hi Alex and Julia,
This blog has been a real find for me as the majority of what you are writing about chimes.
This article in particular really hit home. I absolutely feel trapped by my inability to break cover and go public properly. I say properly because I have been out, and loved it, but unlike Julia my wife really struggles with accepting it. She tolerates me wearing skirts and tights in the home but the thought of others seeing me really worries her. She is constrained by our cultural tolerances. I don’t want to go out behind her back so I am looking for a way to engender her support. For me the pull to go out is getting stronger which is now causing some emotional strain. I know we’ll get through but it’s hard work.
Please keep this blog going, it’s great.
Hi Bob,
Thank you for your wonderful comment! I’m really happy to hear that you it chimes with you so well!
It really is hard to get over that hurdle to get out and stop feeling trapped. That feeling made me utterly miserable for quite a while until one day, I just decided I had had enough. That was when I started going out more often. My wife’s support has been invaluable in the process. As she already wrote about, it took a while to come to terms with my choice of clothing as well, but she did and we are closer now than ever. It’s definitely a huge emotional strain until you can just let it out. In my case, the dam burst and ever since I’ve felt much better about the whole affair.
Ich trage seit etwa 15 Jahren regelmäßig Röcke und Kleider in der Öffentlichkeit. Mein Ziel war es, einen Rock genauso selbstverständlich zu tragen wie eine Hose. Meine Frau unterstützte mich immer dabei. Im Lauf der Zeit wuchs mein Selbstvertrauen. Und heute? Es gibt Tage, an denen ich mich total verunsichert fühle und mich frage, warum ich nicht wie jeder Mann einfach eine Hose anziehen kann. An einigen solcher Tage gehe ich erst gar nicht nach draußen, an anderen gehe ich schon raus, ziehe aber einen schwarzen, eher unauffälligen Jeansrock an statt ein auffälliges Kleid zu tragen. In meinem Inneren höre ich dann immer andere darüber lästern, wie denn ein Mann so rumlaufen kann, auch wenn tatsächlich draußen überhaupt nichts passiert.
Ich bewundere all diejenigen, deren Selbstvertrauen unerschütterlich ist und die solche Phasen gar nicht kennen. Manchmal fehlt mir einfach eine Bestätigung, die mir dann den Anstoß geben würde, mich zu trauen.
Wie gesagt: ich trage seit Jahren Röcke und Kleider. Hosen nur sehr, sehr selten. Aber ein wirklich total stabiles Selbstvertrauen habe ich nicht. Es gibt an manchen Tagen diese Zweifel an meinem Tun.
Das ist ja toll, dass Du schon seit 15 Jahren Röcke in der Öffentlichkeit trägst! Und natürlich die Unterstützung Deiner Frau ist absolut unverzichtbar. Die Frage stelle ich mir auch immer noch und wie bei Dir wird das unsichere Gefühl wahrscheinlich leider nie komplett verschwinden… :/ Mir hilft es aber zu wissen, dass es anderen Männern genauso geht.
Vielen Dank. Es hilft auch mir ein bisschen, wenn ich weiß, dass auch andere Männer dieses Unsicherheitsgefühl nicht ganz loswerden. Ich denke, es würde sich dann in Luft auflösen, wenn man alle paar Tage (und nicht alle paar Jahre) auch mal andere Männer in Röcken oder Kleidern sehen würde.
Stimmt! Es würde auf jeden Fall helfen, wenn man jeden Tag andere rocktragenden Männer sehen würde. So hätte man das Gefühl, dass man Teil einer Gruppe wäre, was an sich ein Sicherheitsgefühl beschert.
Wow, this article is me and I hate it. I hate that I allow it to trap me. It takes a lot of mental preparation and strength to step outside, especially if the skirt is long. I usually chicken-out and change if I need to get the mail or something outside.
I also feel trapped when I put on pants to conform. The result is miserable. I feel trapped in some sense, no matter what I do. I honestly cannot stand allowing the nonsense to trap me. I hate giving it power.
Yet, I have it way better than some… I married to a woman that has no problem with me wearing a skirt and feels it should be a non-gender garment.
In my case, I’m not trying to look like a woman or drag or anything along those lines. I’m a man, I look like a man, I’m married with kids and I simply prefer to wear skirts. I just love the comfort, the look, the selection, etc.
As supportive as my wife is, she simply doesn’t understand the struggle with wearing it in public. We have kids, my actions impact her and the kids, I feel like everyone we know would perceive me differently and, in turn, it would impact them.
Ugh.. I just hate this feeling. I feel trapped no matter what I do. I am desperate to get out of this trapped feeling.
That is exactly how I feel and I believe lots of men feel that way who dare deviate from the norm. The fact that your wife agrees with you is already extremely helpful. Not having that at all would be absolutely devestating in my opinion. My wife also just tells me to “do it” when it comes to wearing them in public. Of course, for women, skirts are entirely normal and they have no issues with wearing them outside of the house because of that. The only way I can really escape the feeling of being trapped, is to just wear one out. If you’re worried about how it might impact your wife and kids, it would help to travel to another city or somewhere where you know you won’t be recognized for the first few times. Then you don’t have to worry about how it will affect your family.